Those close to me will know I am in a Chinese-Indian relationship. My boyfriend is from India and I am ethnically Chinese, although I am of British nationality. Our common language is of course english, although both of us would love to learn each others mother tongue.
No matter how much we all say that race doesn’t matter, colour doesn’t matter, religion doesn’t matter etc etc, ultimately you will always encounter problems which are due to the fact that this is an interracial relationship. It doesn’t matter how much the other person loves you, but sometimes when you come from such different backgrounds, different cultures and different walks of life, it can be difficult to adjust- both for you and your extended family.
The biggest issue for my relationship is not about our arguments, or something the other does or does not do… It’s mainly due to our family. I have never met my boyfriends family, but I feel (and hope!) that they do accept me and whenever I see them on FaceTime when my boyfriend is speaking to them, they always say Hi and will compliment me on what I am wearing or if I get a new haircut. Whenever I do eventually meet them I hope that they can continue to like me as I want them to know that they do not need to worry about their son getting hurt.
My family is a mixed bag due to half of my family growing up abroad and thus being much more open-minded than the HK lot, but some hold more traditional views than others.
Some of my extended family treat my boyfriend like he’s invisible, which sometimes I’m sure he wishes he was because I know how terrible he feels and even I can see the way some of my relatives look at him. It’s something that we have even argued about- I wished that he would make more effort towards these relatives so that they could see him in a better light, but for him he felt that no matter what he does, it will not change the fact that they dislike him because he is Indian and doesn’t speak chinese and this will not change.
I’ve come to realise now that I really don’t care about the extended family and what they think. I would love for them to accept him as part of the family, but if they dislike him because he is not chinese and cannot speak chinese, then there’s not a lot I can do about that.
My parents and brother on the other hand are a different case. My brother has gone through the same thing as me, as he is also with a non-chinese (You can check out their blog here: http://www.ourchinglishwedding.co.uk) so he knows all too well the problems that we face. Thankfully my brother has met Arnav and he likes him, so thats one less person to have to deal with!
Being the youngest and the only daughter, my parents have always wanted the best for me and I know without doubt if I ever needed them they would drop everything to come to my aid. It is a wonderful feeling to know that your parents will always be there for you, but at the same time, it is a double edged sword. They can be overprotective at times, especially when it comes to boyfriends.
They have openly discussed with me any concerns that they have and if I was a weak-minded girl, perhaps I would have broken up. I am not weak-minded though, I’ve been in a relationship where I wasn’t happy so I know exactly what I want from my man.
I will fight for my guy because I believe that this is a relationship that works and he makes me happy. I don’t disagree with the fact that we are both incredibly different people, we like different things, our favourite foods are different, our families are totally different. This doesn’t change the fact that we love each other and make each other happy. I am not willing to let a guy who truly makes me happy and loves me go just because my parents or anyone else thinks that we cannot be together. My hope is that once my parents see how happy we are, they will begin to accept him as part of the family, even more so than they do now.
For many people, what their family thinks is incredibly important and can be the make or break for their relationship. What I ask of you is that you fight for your other half because they cannot fight alone. If you truly love that person, you should be prepared to do all that you can to fight for their corner because they are the ones that matter. If you are not prepared to fight for the person you love, then you just don’t love them enough. If this is you, then end the relationship before it gets too late and save them the heartbreak. If you know that you will not fight for your partner, you must know that this relationship will never go all the way and thus you are only stringing them along for YOUR benefit.