Family · Food

Starving myself?

I weighed myself the other day (it’s been a while…) and was very shocked at the number on the scale. I’ve been restricting my foods for a while, eating a lot less than usual, no snacking etc and yet I still was heaver than I expected. I know that the number on the scale shouldn’t define who I am but it did upset me a little. I know I’m by no means FAT but, I’m a bit wobbly in places that I would rather not be.

I always get told that I’m fat and I think I am a L or XL size in HK, even though I’m only a size 6-8 here in the UK. I don’t want to go back to HK in July and feel fat. I’ve always had an issue with my weight (it may surprise you as I am considered slim in the UK) but I’ve always noticed that I was a bit bigger than the average asian girl, plus I used to do a lot of sports and judo so I built up a lot of muscle on my thighs and arms which made me look stocky. I hated going swimming because I hated my body and didn’t want to wear a swimming costume and would use all the excuses in the book to get out of it. Even to this day, I’m not a big fan of swimming.

When I was about 16, I got into Kpop and then started to diet even more..well I say diet.. I mean starve myself. I would skip breakfast and lunch, then for dinner I would eat half a bowl of rice and a couple of veggies and side dishes. I would tell my parents I’m full even though in reality I was nowhere near. It got so bad that I started fainting all the time, my periods completely stopped and even when I tried to eat I would feel sick. I was like that all the way through college and until my 1st year at Uni.

I remember before an exam once when I was at college, one of my friends came up to me and asked if I was alright, as she said I had lost a load of weight and she was worried about me. My friends would ask if I was anorexic, but I would tell them of course not, I’m on a diet but I’m not stupid. Looking back, maybe I was bordering on anorexic and it was definitely stupid, but I desperately wanted to be like those kpop idols. They were beautiful, skinny, looking cute and sexy at the same time.

Karas Goo Hara- one of the girls I wanted to be like
Karas Goo Hara- one of the girls I wanted to be like

Even though my friends were worried, I was still not skinny enough in my mind. I wanted to be skinnier, everytime I looked in the mirror I could see fat- on my legs, on my face, on my arms, on my belly. I hated it and no matter how little I ate, how much I exercised, it just wouldn’t go away. I’ve been on so many different diets, banana diet, lettuce diet, sweet potato diet. It wasn’t until I was at uni that I came to my senses and started eating more like a normal person.

At first it was difficult, my stomach wasn’t used to having food. I would feel sick after just a few bites, but slowly and gradually, I built up my tolerance to eat more. I actually really really love food so it was so incredibly hard to actually restrict myself and diet but back then, I just wanted to be skinny.

Fast forward to today though, I have decided to go on a low meat, low flour diet. This is different to what I did before where I basically just didn’t eat. I got this idea from watching last week’s <KBSWorld The Human Condition>. In this episode, the members had to endure a week with no meat or/and no flour. This means that they could eat anything as long as there was no meat(except fish), or no flour in the food. At first it was difficult for them, but after they got used to it, they seemed to enjoy it and they still managed to eat alot of food and still lose weight despite doing barely any exercise.

I won’t be completely cutting out meat and rice as I live with my dad and whilst I’m all up for doing this, dad is a bit more reluctant to give up his favorite foods. Instead we are cutting out bread, cookies and other flour based products except white rice (the reason for this is we have a huge bag of rice at home so we kinda have to use it up) and we are cutting out all meat except for fish with the occasional bit of chicken when we really need something more.

So I’ve only done 2 days on this diet and I’m surprised to say I’m not missing meat that much yet. It’s probably not hit me yet but maybe if I see someone eating a bacon roll I will get meat cravings šŸ˜› I’m keeping a food journal to keep track of the things I am eating in addition to the exercise that I do so that I can see if there has been any change. I’m actually having a lot of fun thinking about what I can eat instead and spent the day yesterday making very yummy sushi rolls!

My sushi rolls! They were delicious!
My sushi rolls! They were delicious!

I’m not going to go as crazy as I did in my teens, instead this time I am actually going to lose weight and tone up my body the healthy way. I’ll let you know how it goes! šŸ™‚

 

 

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7 thoughts on “Starving myself?

  1. I don’t think you are at all large and it makes me sad you feel that way šŸ˜¦ Even so, it doesn’t matter, it’s how you feel – I think you’re beautiful!
    Low meat is good though (I would say that lol) as soon as Stuart stopped eating as much he felt healthier, had more energy and hasn’t had any illnesses (colds etc.) since – so I’m a big advert for low meat šŸ˜›

    1. Haha aww thanks XD You’re beautiful too! I’m so jealous of how slim and tall you are! šŸ˜›
      Yup, plus meat is normally the most expensive bit of the meal so if I cut that out then dad saves some money on groceries too šŸ˜› I’m having fun thinking of what meals I can have without meat tbh Haha.

  2. I’m sure everyone will agree with me when I say you’re absolutely beautiful the way you are anyway and don’t need to lose any weight. I used to wish I had a body like the girls like you at school!

    I tried a similar thing that worked well for me, cutting out all dairy, sugar and bread but it was incredibly tough and I felt miserable! The 5:2 diet is supposed to work pretty well too

    1. Oh yes I’m cutting out a lot of dairy too, but not to lose weight, mainly because I’m trying to wean myself off it as dairy is expensive and hard to get in HK. Plus a lot of chinese people are lactose intolerant so dad thinks it might help with health if I stopped with dairy too XD

      I’m not feeling too bad atm, but it helps that dad is eating similar things to me, otherwise if he kept shoving like bacon butties and stuff in my face I would feel miserable too šŸ˜›

  3. A friend of mine has Coeliac disease which means she’s allergic to gluten. She’s also lactose intolerant and a vegetarian. After reading your post I’d love to recommend her website to you, ‘Coeliac By The Sea’: http://nextfootrepeats.wordpress.com/about/
    There’s so many yummy and super-healthy wheat and dairy free recipes on there. But I have to say, although having Coeliac disease is bad, being friends with someone with Coeliac disease is the best thing in the world because you get to be their guinea-pig and try all these new and amazing recipes. I’ve also noticed a huge difference in my own weight and overall health since cutting gluten and dairy almost completely out of my diet. The main thing you notice when eating gluten free pasta or bread instead of the normal variety supplied in supermarkets, is that it doesn’t sit so heavily on your stomach. You almost don’t notice it yet it still fills you up, it’s a miracle! Now if I eat bread I really noticed how sluggish it makes me feel.
    My friend has told me that the reason a lot of people are becoming intolerant to wheat and dairy products is because they’re in everything, so we’re getting far too much for our bodies to metabolise.
    So what with all the other environmental and ethical reasons to eat meat, dairy and gluten-free meals, it seems to be the way forward!
    Good luck! šŸ™‚

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