This week has been pretty hectic, mainly stressful and I’ve been really feeling the pressure of being in the final stretch of my undergraduate degree. I don’t have that many lectures which is good, but it means that I go into the lab a lot more, and even though my requirements as a masters student is only 2.5 days a week in the lab enough for me to write a ~60 page dissertation, I feel like I’ve been doing a lot more than this on average. I am in the lab any time that I don’t have lectures, and so it actually feels like I’m in the lab about 70% of the time.
This also means I seem to be doing a lot of different projects in the lab when I only really need to be focusing on one. I’m sure a couple of the projects I won’t even include in my dissertation as I have plenty to write about already. The biggest problem of all though is that the lab is…I guess you could say – an inhospitable environment. I’m constantly on edge and I actually don’t perform my best because I don’t feel happy there. There are some lovely members of the group, but there are also some not so friendly members. The office is eerily silent. Nobody speaks and when you do speak you are in danger of being told off for being ‘stupid’ in front of everyone else in the office. If you’re unlucky, this telling off will last for more than a few minutes, for what feels like eternity.
Now, you might say- well why are you going in so often if you don’t need to?
Well, there are 2 reasons;
- I actually like the research, I am interested in research and science, if only I enjoyed the people as much as the work. 😦
- 20% of my mark comes from my supervisor. So I have to do what he says, or he can give me a mark that could potentially be the difference between a degree that makes me eligible for PhD, and a grade that means I miss out on a PhD.
Having to juggle lab plus lectures and anything else that people want me to do means that I get stressed out ALOT. I can always feel my stress levels rise as soon as I step in that office as well. I’m a highly wound person anyway so I get stressed easily but lately it’s been really piling up.
I’ve found that I don’t really have much of an outlet for all the stresses I have, where in the past I might have gone out with friends or gone and done some sport or something, I’ve not had anything like that this year. My friends are all far away and by the time I get home I only have a couple of hours to do something, which is usually catching up on my lecture notes. I also don’t really have many people to talk to so you can see why I post on here and youtube. It makes me feel a little less lonely.
I’ve been ill this week, I’ve not been feeling great since last week really, just feeling really run down, and my belly has been playing up. I’ve also not been sleeping well at all despite being so exhausted I feel like I could faint. I think that this is all because I’ve just been stressing out so much that I’m not letting my mind or body time to rest and this has weakened my immune system. My dad has been amazing in trying to make me feel better, giving me yummy foods and stuff.
Thankfully, this weekend I’ll be going to see some really great friends who I haven’t seen in a very long time, so I’m hoping that this weekend can be my time to relax, and I can stop stressing enough for me to come back refreshed on monday. It has come at the best time, as I really need this break, to just forget about all my worries and stresses and just have some fun. I just wish we could do it more often!