January for those who are in school/college/uni normally means exam season.
As it is my final year, these exams mean more than ever before, and I had 4 exams within the last 2 weeks. Thankfully this means that in the summer I will only have 2 more exams and then that will be the end of my undergraduate degree!
I get ridiculously stressed when it comes to uni work and exams, I have done ever since I can remember – I worked really hard when I was in secondary school because I was in the top sets and I felt like I needed to prove that I am clever enough to stay in them. I guess I didn’t feel like I actually deserved a place in the top, so I had to work extra hard to keep my place there.
Ever since then, I’ve always worked extra hard – it doesn’t help that people always seem to assume that I’m clever and so I feel like I have to work hard to maintain that perception that other people have of me…
I’ve been so stressed about exams that it’s been a while since I’ve been able to sleep properly. I always recite my notes or try to work things out when I’m supposed to be sleeping- it’s like my body wants to take a break but my brain doesn’t want to.
My dad tries to relieve my stress by making things easier for me, trying to encourage me to take regular breaks and even telling me that he doesn’t mind if I don’t do really well, as long as I have done the best I can. It’s lovely that my dad is trying to take pressure off me, but it makes me realise that he must feel the amount of stress that I put myself under just for these exams. For this reason, my parents have never ever put pressure on me about school work, they don’t ask about it and they don’t nag, they let me do my own work because they know if they did put any pressure on me, it would probably push me over the edge.
I have noticed that ever since we were kids, we’ve been programmed to think like this- that exams mean everything, that they are so important in our lives and if we don’t do well- we won’t be successful. It puts so much stress on young people, stress that doesn’t always go away as you grow up.
It’s something that I find hard to control, I used to get really bad migraines around exam season due to stress and not being able to sleep probably doesn’t help, but when my parents took me to the doctors, they told me to stop stressing.
As if it was that easy.
I don’t WANT to be stressed, I don’t WANT to worry- but I do. It’s been drummed into me that I have to do well in my exams, in school, in order to be successful and do well. That failure in school means I’ll be a failure in life.
Now that I am so close to finishing my degree means I will hopefully be getting away from the stress of being tested and graded for how much I can memorise, how much I can revise, and how good I am at putting down all the information on a piece of paper in a short space of time.
Whilst I understand that there are stresses about all things in life, exam stress is certainly my worst stress and the one that I certainly cannot wait to get rid of.
So, as always this january has been extremely stressful, I’ve been trying to do as much revision as I can, but for some reason, I’ve been procrastinating a lot more than usual.
Perhaps it’s because I’m starting to get tired and now that I’m this close to finishing, I’ve given up or maybe I’m trying to avoid it because I want to forget that I actually have exams.
Whatever the reason, I procrastinated ALOT and so the amount of revision that I did for these exams was a lot less than the effort I usually put in. Thankfully my exams went relatively well despite not having done so much revision and they’re finally over. I do feel though that I need to work extra hard for the next half of the year to ensure I get a good overall grade at the end.
Check out my video about Procrastination: